Stefan Meow

08:48 pm: Hello all my kitties. Sister, what happened with the talk?

01:55 pm: Blind Date - an episode from 2001? ( this story I posted a few years ago)
04:45 pm: blind date
so, there I was at Gables in my drunken stupor, with my beer goggles on, near blindness, and I grabbed onto the first male i saw. We danced and he asked me out to dinner the next night.
I said sure, well I started to feel a little uneasy by the next day, considering I really didnt even remember what he looked like, so I said ill meet ya at your house, and we can go from there. So he said meet me at some Estates place, so i rode on up to the address he gave me, and low and behold it was a trailer park, the name was a little deceiving, estates and trailer park, is kinda like saying Scirvy Tim and Good dental hygeine together *shudders*, anyways, thats fine and good, trailer parks arent that bad these days, so i went up to the double wide, and learned that it was his fat alcoholic mother's trailer he lived in . As I entered, the smokey dwelling, I coughed and gasped for air, it smelt of old greasy chicken and cat pee. I tried to smile and be polite to his mama, but was distracted by distorted voices coming from the corner of the room. I gazed through the smoke to see the police scanner running, apparently this was their form of entertainment. I cant say I was suprised. As i continued to gaze around , I noticed that my "date" had just recently sported a mullet, as I studied the pictures placed around the room, I could feel the chunks rising. "What the HELL had I gotten myself into" I thought. Well, at least I was going to get fed I thought, I was sooo hungry, I had barely had anything to eat that day, trying to save my appetite for dinner that night. So, needless to say I felt a relief wash over me as he said " Ya redy to go eat somethin swety". I waved to his Mamma as she told us in her deap raspy voice to "git the kids somethin' to eat while yer out", I wondered about that statement, but shrugged it off. I thought about where we were gonna eat, as we walked past the 5 broken down cars in his driveway towards his s10 pickup. I climbed into the little truck, with the mudcaked seats, and quietly rode out of the trailer park, towards our destination. As we neared Winchester my "date" said "alrigt, sweety, ya got three choices, Burger King, Taco Bell, or McDonalds" I laughed, I had heard this ridicaulous joke before. As I looked at his face, I realized with a sickened feeling that it was no joke at all. I said dumbfoundedly, "you can choose". "oh, no" he said, "I'm takin ya out, ya can choose". "fine, " I said " we can go to burger king" As I tried to hide my disgust. "Can we go inside , so I can see my sister's boyfriend" I asked, trying to make the best of it. "No" he said, " I aint got my good shoes on" I looked down at his feet and saw that he was wearing dollar store flip flops. " That's Ok" I said, now determined to get the hell out of that truck. "well all ight, we can go inside" he said. As we pulled up and exited the truck I decided I would behave by my noraml dating rules, which included never ordering something more expensiv than my date does. Well, I thought at least I can get a meal. To my horror, he ordered a 4 piece nugget off the 99 cent menu, and turned to me and said" what do ya want swety?" in a panic, I said the same, as my stomach growled violently. He then ordered two happy meals for the children back at the trailer, and said " we gotta eat theses at home, cause the kids gots ta hav em , their food." I was in a permanent state of shock at this point, and numbly walked towards the door back out to the truck. We traveled back to the trailer estates, and sat at the tiny table beside the police scanner, which was playing loudly, to eat our 4 nuggets. he then started braggging about all of the ten DVDs he owned and how he had aDVD player back in his bedroom.
" HELL NO!"I thought to myself. I stood up and said , as though it had just dawned on me; " oh my God, I was supposed to meet my best friend, an hour ago, I am so late, i'd better go", he walked me out to my car and tried to kiss me as I struggled to get in my car as fast as i could, I was afraid if I had to spend one more second there, I was surely going to vomit. As I sped out of the trailer park, slowing down for the speed bumps, of course, I decided to never again accept a date while drinking. Please learn from this horror story, and do the same.


Current Mood: nauseated

09:36 pm: The attack
I'm pretty sure, not positive, that I stole that title from one of Lizz's earlier LJ entries, but she more than likely plagarized it from Adam, so it's all even. Besides, I am too traumatized right now to think clearly.

My pet cat Sox just carried out another death attempt on my my life tonight. She propelled her body through the air as though she was demon possessed and latched her sharp fangs under my tender wrist biting down into the veins, pressing harder and harder while staring at me unblinking, unremorseful of what she planned to do.

I just don't understand why she loathes me so, I pet her and feed her and tell her mommy loves her every day. And yet when she isn't demolishing the house, she is planning my demise.

It's not like I have turned her into this monster, she was born with a sick soul. I thought my love would change her, but no, she only wants to make her " vile oppressor" suffer. I'm sure that's the thought that must torment her mind day and night.

On the other hand, maybe she is punishing me for how much she hates the " one" who accidently kicked her against a wall one night as a reflex when he was bit on his foot. Maybe she realizes that he is too powerful to take down, so she has chosen me as the target of her revenge.

You can not truly ever comprehend how shameful it is to live in fear of a six pound cat. To notice her evil eyes watching your every move , watching, waiting for any flesh to be exposed that she can attack, for any chance that I can be caught off gaurd and she can bite my wrists or my neck and carry through with her twisted plans.

She is approaching me at this moment, I think she knows that I know, so I must go to safety now.

Bye, Bye now.

03:33 pm: Dear , Dear Banky
You know your entry about the outstanding treatment you gave your guests really inspired me.

I decided to go into my darling boss's office and flip his entire desk over.

Not that it really mattered because there was nothing on it because he never actually does any work,

unless you consider work to be;

coming in at 6 - 7 PM,after riding around in your vehicle all day going to "appointments" even though only 5 new accounts are written a month, then sitting at your desk eating a sandwhich,drinking 2-3 cups of coffee, reclining in your chair, nodding off for , say, about 25 minutes, getting up , walking to the bathroom with a newspaper in hand, while informimg me that you are going to the "library", come back to your office after about 50 minutes, sit for another 20 minutes and mindlessly look at your phone, waiting for it to ring, so you can pretend to do something,, then when I ask an important question, pertaining to the agency or insurance, ramble on and on incoherently while rattling off random addreses, premiums, and phone numbers, of clients, as though that will somehow trick me into believing that you actually have an idea whatsoever about the status of this, YOUR company, to be exact. Then get flustered, get up look at your watch at exactly 2 minutes until six, the closing time of the bank, that is at least 5 minutes away, and say you have to get to the bank before it closes. Repeat this scenario EVERY day, for 1.5 years.

So, I thought about this and picked the desk back up, and came in here and wrote this.

I am definetly opening my own agency in 12 months. Good Riddance to the King of Slothfulness.

04:34 pm: Ummmm...exscuse me......maaaammm......
Once again a prime example of how I am a psycho magnet loud and clear.

I was shopping in the Food Lion ( which is a grocery store, for Mr. Gary from England.)

with my darling sister

minding my own business.

I was standing at the freezer that holds the ice cream, and I was reading the back of a healthy choice container to see the fat grams, etc., since I am obsessed with such thing.

And this older gentleman walks up to me, or rather slinks up to me, with this creepy grin on his face.

"ummm....exscuse me, maam......but can I tell you something about that ice cream?"

Ok, I said, slightly disturbed.

"well, I don't know how to say this nicely, so I'll just say it."

"It gives you gas, well, at least from MY own personal experience it does." " You see, usually some fat free foods give me gas, and well, I don't know about you, but I just wanted to let you know that before you bought it."

I blankly stared at him as he rambled on and on about this sickening discover he had made.

Meanwhile , my sister had walked up behind me.

As I thanked the man , and slowly backed away, after putting the icecream back.

Not because I didn't want it, or I believed his profound discovery, but simply because I didn't want him trying to convince me to not buy it for one more second.

My sister said something along the lines of "that was really freakin weird." she even said that she would of never believed this story if she hadn't heard it first hand.

WHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

Someone tell me why. Can't I just live out one day free of the insanity ?

10:50 am: LIVE FROM BARBADOS......
Ok, I am here in Sunny Barbados now.


My flight here was quite interesting.


My bad luck NEVER ceases to amaze me, I simply expect at least one extremely disturbing thing to happen at LEAST once a day.


So, I am hauling my 30lb bag across the airport, and .....my handle BREAKS! and the rope attached cant pull it without it toppling over, so I try and use the rope as a handle, BAD idea!

The rope then breaks.

This incident is a dream come true in comparison to what happened when I boarded the plane.

7B

That
is my seat, on BOTH flights, which is a little eerie, and also fortold of my ultimate fate.


As I board the first flight to Philly, I walk towards my seat , as I reach my seat, but before I sit down, the girl sitting in the seat beside mine, starts yelling for the flight attendant, and pointing rapidly at the seat, MY seat, 7B

As, I glance down , what do I see?

oh, just a swiss army POCKET KNIFE....

which is a very, very BAD thing on a plane now.

and, to make matters worse, who is sitting DIRECTLY behind me?

oh, just an UNDERCOVER AIR MARSHALL..

who loks at me and asks while pointing at the knife, " Is this yours?"

" No! It's not mine!" I protest.

I guess he believed me, because he picked up the knife and took it to the front of the plane, talking about how he had to do a report now.

So, the 20, yes, 20 minute flight was smooth sailing after that.

When I reached Philly, I had a sickening realization as I looked at my ticket . that I had once again got seat 7B , on the flight to Barbados.

I braced myself mentally, as I knew that something else was about to happen.

To my relief, as I boarded the plane and took my seat, I realized that the extent of the bad luck was simply that ........

the woman sitting beside me , took up all of her seat, and about a quarter of mine, prohibiting the use of the arm rest, and she had a really deep raspy voice, and smelt like cat pee, but that was a walk in the park in comparison to my first flight.

So, I'm here now, it's 86, and beautiful.


Just wanted to say hi to my wonderful friends, Caty and Stevie. I miss you guys and will see you in two weeks. Love ya!

-Stefanmeow

05:56 pm: " Don't ever let anyone tell you you're ugly" - Sumner
So, we're sitting in the great Winchester bar, and Sumner out of no where, looks at me and says in a very serious manner...

" Raychel, don't ever let anyone tell you you're ugly."

That has to be the best compliment I have ever gotten. Thank you.

Anyways, last night at school my professor felt for some unknown reason that she needed to take out her psychotic pre-menopasal emotions on me, and solely me. While proving that she represents everything in this world that is soul-less and wrong.

She started by announcing in front of the whole class that I had missed two tests, and inquired as to why, I had not let her know that I would miss them.

Well, I was put in a tough spot on this one, because as her pale blue death ridden eyes peered through my soul, I knew that I could not answer the truth, that she, and she alone had given me permission to miss one of the tests.

So, to spare her the embarrassment of her senile ways and my imminent tongue lashing and ultimate failure of the course, I simple said..." I'm sorry, I must of forgotten.

So, then she screams, " Well, MAYBE, I'll just forget to let you make that one up."

At this point in time, I was so delusional from all the various pain killers I had taken throughout the day, I was as nonchalant as corporate slut's cat staring at the wall for hours on end, as drool dangles from its mouth, yet not quite touching the floor.

So, I monotonely said, can I take the other test , then?

" WHY? Don't you want to take them both?" She screamed at me.

Her schizophrenic accusations never phased me as I again said..." Sure, I'd like to take them both"


Finally I got the evil devil off my back with the promise I would come in next week to re-take them..

But her souless tactics didn't cease there...

oh, no..... for the next hour, she protruded insult after insult at me, including a demand that I define a legal term that only a veteran lawyer would know, and when I declined an answer, she screamed that I should of asked her what it meant.

Then , she managed to question my basic number identifieing skills in front of the class after she instructed us to change her typo of page # 607 to a page #507, she sigled me out and asked if I was able to understand that and change it.

If it had not been for the fact that I was feeling pretty damn good from all the drugs I had taken previous to entering her little hell hole, I may have been inclined to stand up
and flip over my desk and then smash the televison screen that her face was on in with a metal chair and then immediately drive up to the fauquier campus where she is teaching and do the same thing to that classroom, and whatever else to her that I so desired.

But, alas, I simply did not care. Like good old Nick always says, " drugs, they're good for your...soul."

04:37 pm: IT DOES WHAT ITS TOLD........
I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less. Ask me anything you want. Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.

09:16 am: STALKER OR SAWYER
Well, on my plane ride back from Barbados the flight attendant was handing out the meals and she got to our row. "Did someone order a special meal?" She asks, no, I say, my mom said no and so did the lady sitting next to me, who definetly should of ordered it. And the flight attendant was like well I have one here for Stalker, it says Stalker. And my mom was like Sawyer? And the flight attendant realized oh " Yes, Sawyer". She then hands me the Low Fat meal that my mom ordered for me. " Thanks a lot mom " I said ." You tryin to tell me something". I started to crack up as I emptied the contents of the bag which consisted of " Digestive Biscuits" . No joke that is the name of the crackers inside.

But all memories of my flight from hell aside, I'm beginning to believe the flight attendant was right about the stalker part.

10:56 am: A PREMONITION FOR MY SISTER"S AND MY FATE?
http://iowagravestones.org/gs_view.php/id_2095



http://iowagravestones.org/gs_view.php/id_2095



DEAR LIZZ,


Go here and tell me that this does not creep you the hell out.

my first name: INA

your first name: ELIZAbeth ( ELIZA)

Is this some sort of sick premonition?


28 YEARS OLD, I KNEW that I would never make it to 30.

05:30 pm: RIDE IT......YEEEEEEEHHHH HAHHHHHHHH
It looks like I may be taking a little trip to Texas soon. YAY!

My wonderful friend Jamil, whom I met on a trip to Barbados, has invited me to come visit him.


I am so excited, because I have always wanted to ride one of those mechanical bulls. YEEEEHHHH HAHHHHHH!!!


I am basically hyperventilating just thinking about it.

Well, I will take some pictures of this adventure, and post them , so that all of you can have a good laugh.


HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND EVERYONE!!



-Raychel

05:53 pm: Prelude to a Restraining order
Well, well, well

I am at work,and writing this, so there goes one new years resolution out the window.

I went to see Stevie last night at the dorm in WV

one word can describe the night ...............Disturbing, actually deeply, deeply
disturbing.

His neighbor, who we will call Ralph, to protect his identity, is apparently my new stalker.

I met him and Nick last night at their dorm after I came from Stevies dorm. I decided I liked the way Stevie had his furniture arranged opposed to Ralph's decor.

So I said (jokingly) "your room looks awful like this. change it to how stevie has his , exactly like stevie has his. do it now".

-sidebar-

To change the furniture to how stevies is would require moving 6-7 large peices of furniture to the exact opposite positions they were currently in, not a task I would do just because a strange girl whom I had never before met had told me to do so.

Ralph did it. Right after I left. Creepy.

He then proceeded today to tell everyone at his school that he has a chance with me. Not that Ralph is anything less than an outstanding young man. But he is only 19 and he attempted to walk in on Stevie when he (stevie) was only in a towel, and had told Ralph to not come in his room because he was naked, but Ralph still attempted to break down the door, literally.

Anyways, right now I am currently working on a little stalking of my own. In Norfolk. Just teasing Summie.

Well, I had better get back to work.

Hopefully, I will posting the "Zach spends a night in detox " story soon. peace.

04:45 pm: blind date
so, there I was at Gables in my drunken stupor, with my beer goggles on, near blindness, and I grabbed onto the first male i saw. We danced and he asked me out to dinner the next night.
I said sure, well I started to feel a little uneasy by the next day, considering I really didnt even remember what he looked like, so I said ill meet ya at your house, and we can go from there. So he said meet me at some Estates place, so i rode on up to the address he gave me, and low and behold it was a trailer park, the name was a little deceiving, estates and trailer park, is kinda like saying Scirvy Tim and Good dental hygeine together *shudders*, anyways, thats fine and good, trailer parks arent that bad these days, so i went up to the double wide, and learned that it was his fat alcoholic mother's trailer he lived in . As I entered, the smokey dwelling, I coughed and gasped for air, it smelt of old greasy chicken and cat pee. I tried to smile and be polite to his mama, but was distracted by distorted voices coming from the corner of the room. I gazed through the smoke to see the police scanner running, apparently this was their form of entertainment. I cant say I was suprised. As i continued to gaze around , I noticed that my "date" had just recently sported a mullet, as I studied the pictures placed around the room, I could feel the chunks rising. "What the HELL had I gotten myself into" I thought. Well, at least I was going to get fed I thought, I was sooo hungry, I had barely had anything to eat that day, trying to save my appetite for dinner that night. So, needless to say I felt a relief wash over me as he said " Ya redy to go eat somethin swety". I waved to his Mamma as she told us in her deap raspy voice to "git the kids somethin' to eat while yer out", I wondered about that statement, but shrugged it off. I thought about where we were gonna eat, as we walked past the 5 broken down cars in his driveway towards his s10 pickup. I climbed into the little truck, with the mudcaked seats, and quietly rode out of the trailer park, towards our destination. As we neared Winchester my "date" said "alrigt, sweety, ya got three choices, Burger King, Taco Bell, or McDonalds" I laughed, I had heard this ridicaulous joke before. As I looked at his face, I realized with a sickened feeling that it was no joke at all. I said dumbfoundedly, "you can choose". "oh, no" he said, "I'm takin ya out, ya can choose". "fine, " I said " we can go to burger king" As I tried to hide my disgust. "Can we go inside , so I can see my sister's boyfriend" I asked, trying to make the best of it. "No" he said, " I aint got my good shoes on" I looked down at his feet and saw that he was wearing dollar store flip flops. " That's Ok" I said, now determined to get the hell out of that truck. "well all ight, we can go inside" he said. As we pulled up and exited the truck I decided I would behave by my noraml dating rules, which included never ordering something more expensiv than my date does. Well, I thought at least I can get a meal. To my horror, he ordered a 4 piece nugget off the 99 cent menu, and turned to me and said" what do ya want swety?" in a panic, I said the same, as my stomach growled violently. He then ordered two happy meals for the children back at the trailer, and said " we gotta eat theses at home, cause the kids gots ta hav em , their food." I was in a permanent state of shock at this point, and numbly walked towards the door back out to the truck. We traveled back to the trailer estates, and sat at the tiny table beside the police scanner, which was playing loudly, to eat our 4 nuggets. he then started braggging about all of the ten DVDs he owned and how he had aDVD player back in his bedroom.
" HELL NO!"I thought to myself. I stood up and said , as though it had just dawned on me; " oh my God, I was supposed to meet my best friend, an hour ago, I am so late, i'd better go", he walked me out to my car and tried to kiss me as I struggled to get in my car as fast as i could, I was afraid if I had to spend one more second there, I was surely going to vomit. As I sped out of the trailer park, slowing down for the speed bumps, of course, I decided to never again accept a date while drinking. Please learn from this horror story, and do the same.

06:41 pm: I can't get no......SATISFACTION
This is the result of extreme boredom or maybe extreme indecisiveness, .

1. Aaron H.: Blazer
2. Jared B.: Eclipse
3. Jason L.: Eclipse
4. Chris D.: Mitsubishi 3000GT
5. Matt D. : Dodge Ram 3500
6. Joe D. : CARLESS
7. Chris A.: Jeep Grand Cherokee
8. Sam T. :Old Chevy Van(The one from Dumb&Dumber minus the fur)
9. Tim R. : Eclipse/Honda Civic
10. Jason D.: Pontiac Grand AM GT
11. Jeff : Geo Prism
12. Josh S. : Jeep Grand Cherokee / Ford Mustang
14. Mykie: Standard Low Cost Vehicle
15. Ryan : CARLESS
16. Jess : Honda Civic
17. NathanW.: Dodge Intrepid
18. Aaron W.: Subaru Station Wagon

20. Matt D. : Dodge Ram
21. DanielS.: Mercedes
22. Jason W.: Jeep Grand Cherokee
23. Tim : Toyota Camry
24. Jamil : Nissan Axiom
25. Patrick : Jeep Wrangler
26. Justin S: Ford Ranger
27. Justin A: Honda Accord
28. Robbie W: Ford Probe
29. Brian B.: Chevy Impala
30. Jamie S.: CARLESS
31. Johny J.: Chevy S10
32. Luciono : Pontiac Sunbird
33. Jacob D.: Honda Civic
34. Brian BR: Ford Ranger
35. Brian S.: CARLESS
36. Gary : Ford Pickup
37. Shawn C.: CARLESS
38. David G.: Chevy Camaro
39. Billy W.: Nissan Maxima
40. Craig B.: Eclipse
41. Josh G. : Old Chevy Truck
42. Josh R. : Old Rusted Boat Car ( make & model unidentifiable)
43. Mark G. : Pontiac Sunfire
44. Mike M. : Geo Tracker
45. Mike A. : Jeep Cherokee
46. AndrewS.: Mazda Protege
47. Tim R. : Ford F250
48. James M.: Chevy Camaro
49. Aaron S.: Mazda Protege
50. Clint E.: Toyota Echo
51. Dougie Camaro, F350
52. John W. Dodge Neon

54. Casey Nissan Extera
55. Manny : Audi
56. Aaron: Miata
57. Zef: Acura / crotch rocket
58. Sniper Steve: Truck

The cars mean nothing, I just thought it would be fun to try and reminisce.

There are 2-3 numbers missing, because I decided these guys belonged on a different list, and I am just too darn lazy to change all the numbers again.

Ok, and HERE, my friends is a list of stalkers, and I mean STALKERS, whom call me at least three times a day , and ramble on endlessly on my voice mail. These emmy award winners, shall NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER make the first list, EVER. ( and I'm not listing the cars, because frankly I just don't give a shit.)

59. Brad
60. Ryan
61. Dana ( it's a guy folks)
62. Travis
63. Josh C.
64. Nathan
65. Josh W.


And finally, the list of guys I hold most dear, my true friends, whom I would never disrespect and let them reside on either of the above lists:

66. Stevie ( Mr. Stevies)
67. Zachy
68. Matty B.
69. Sumner

05:42 pm: STEFANMEOW'S WISHES
Well, after the horrible tragedy of my Uncle's death, I have begun to think about death in a more realistic light, meaning that I am finally coming to terms with the fact that I too am going to one day die, and I need to get me ass in gear and get a will together, and so on.

So, I have taken out a second life insurance policy, so that my family will be taken care of, and won't have to pay for my funeral.

I also have started to think about what people will say at my funeral, who will be there?

I think I want everyone to have a party for me too, like they did my Uncle.

Also, I want a live cat at my funeral,that Banky will have on a leash, that everyone has to pet, and meow at.

(I have a fetish with meowing)

I wonder what stories people will tell about my life, and if they will make people laugh. That's what I want.. I don't want people sitting around crying, I want them to laugh and remember my T-rex impression, and the fact that I always meow when I answer the phone, and that I like to dance on bars and kiss random guys,

I was thinking that I want that POTUS song played at my funeral, you know "KItty at my foot" It goes,

Kitty at my foot
and I want to touch it
kitty at my foot and I want to touch it.

But, there's this one part where the guy is cussing the cat out because it scratched him through his jeans.

He screams FUCK YOU KITTY, I don't know if that would cause my Grandparents to cringe, so maybe that part could be edited out.

Also, I want my ashes thrown into the ocean.

Anyways, to the people who know me, a.k.a Banky, what do you think people would say at my funeral? Or what do you think people would say at yours. It's interesting to ponder.

.peace.

03:50 pm: WHY?
Listen to this..... my life is never ending of disturbing events.....

I went home to eat lunch and as I was getting ready to walk up the steps, I noticed this fat cat, and I was going to pet it, I was thinking, as I began to walk towards it , this little tiny girl leaned her head out of the gated door across from where the cat was resting and screamed in this really creepy, shrill voice , " EAT YOUR COOKIE!". Then immediaetly darted her head back inside the gate. I then noticed that there was this dirty ball of a donut sitting beside the cat's tail. The cat then layed down on the ground, ignoring the alleged " cookie". I walked up the stairs slowly trying to comprehend what I did to deserve being punished by being inflicted with this psycho magnetism. Then as I was going back to work, I crept down the stairs hoping to avoid the little demon, and her GRANDMA came outside and was like, come inside here and meet my granddaughter. I cringed, but could not be rude to the sweet little old lady, so I went inside. and the grandma told her to come to the door and meet me, and she said in this raspy voice from back in the dark shadows, " I'm putting something away, I'm coming OK?" in this bratty, evil way. I hope my house is still there when I come home, if the little bundle of joy didn't burn it down.

. eat your cookie.

02:10 pm: WHY BANKY SAYS YOU NEED A JOB
"to pay for your alley way hand job from the scurvey ridden hooker."


HAHAHHAHA....... WHAT a wonderful mental image!!!

I can see it now, your jobless friend handing her/him a couple of wadded up dollar bills, while his beady little black eyes dart around nervously, while this old hunchbacked slut bag, with greasy, stringy, hair that has oranged from bleaching it with generic dye in the bathroom of KFC, after getting drunk off some whiskey it found in the trash dumpster, provides him with his "pleasure" it smells like cat pee and feces, and when it smiles it has three teeth spaced an inch apart on the top and one tooth on the bottom that is at a complete 90 degree angle.Also, it has a mustache and lots of hair on its back, and its fingernails are curled and yellow, and have mud caked underneath them, and one eye is lazy, and it shaves off its eyebrows, and then draws them back on with a pencil. It also has lice.

Man, I need to stop before I turn the jobless bachelors that are reading this on.

08:41 am: YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIE TO MAKE FRIENDS
Where do I even start? Something very disturbing happened to me this weekend. Basically, I met this guy last week, he told me a LOT of stories. I was skeptical of the majority of them, but ignored my instinct thinking I was just being paranoid or too analytical. Well, unfortunately I found out yesterday that the things I thought were untrue were, and are , and the things that I actually believed are also untrue. I thought Al Gore was the epitome of a psycho liar. But just look at what this winner told me AND all of his friends, for the past couple years.


1. He was a marine for five years

2. He was shot seven times

3. When I asked to see the scars he said he got plastic surgery on all of them but the one on his ass.

4. I of course did NOT ask to see his ass.

5. He said he had three marine tatoos on his stomach.

6. BUT he had plastic surgery to remove them.

7. I asked to see his leg where he supposedly took skin for the graft for plastic surgey.

8. He then admitted he was only shot twice. Once in the shoulder. Once in the ass. ( He is obssessed with his ass)

9. When asked why he isnt in the marines, he said he was finished serving.

10. A few days later he said he had been discharged for assaulting his commanding officer.

11. A few days later he had just been " discharged"

12. A few days later he had been " honorably discharged"

13. He said he was accused and put in jail for being mistaken for the DC Sniper.

14. He said he was married and has been divorced for four years.

15. He said he has a six year old daughter.

16. I asked to see a picture, he didn't have one.

17. There are no pictures of his daughter at his house or his mom's house. No one in his family has ever mentioned her EVER.

18. He said he didn't have a picture, becuase his ex wouldn't let him have one.

19. Then he said his dad's girlfriend had all the pictures, and wouldn't let him have one.

20. He said his daughter had leukemia, but was cured after a year in the hospital.

21. He said his dad was accidently killed in a car wreck, while his dad's girlfriend was driving.

22. He sued her and got $250,000 out of the lawsuit.

23. BUT he NEVER has any money.

24. BECUASE he spent it on his daughter's treatment.

25. of course...

26. Because she doesn't have health insurance.

27. But her mom is married to a lawyer

28. And she's married to a cop.

29. I'm an insurance agent, and that lie didn't sit right with me, because there is such thing as a cap on out of pocket expenses, plus that lawyer would of had insurance.

30. So, I called him out on it for the first time.

31. Oh wait, he said she DOES have health insurance with them.

32. BUT she's on mine too, so I had to pay.

33. But some of the $250,000 was for plane tickets and hotels

And he pays $327.60 a month for child support from his paycheck, but we found all his pay stubs and there is no such deduction.


34. And he took pictures of his daughter while he was there , but his ex wouldn't let him bring them home.

35. he "talks" to his daughter on the internet and phone everyday, yet he doesn't have a computer at his home or work.

36. DOES he even really work?

-sidebar- I went to his house yesterday, after he called me twice and then showed up at MY house un announced. He wanted his shirt back, so I took it to him. On the way up the sidewalk to his house, our mutual friends stopped me. They were hanging out on a neighbor's porch. They asked me what was going on with me and Steve ( the guy) I said nothing we are friends. Then, they told me he was all depressed over me, and getting obsessed. I knew he liked me, but I didn't realize that I said. Yesterday, was his birthday, also. So, in our conversation, I said a 25 year old shouldn't be that immature like a middle schooler. Then my friend Zef looked at me all confused and said " What do you mean 25?" I mean he's 25 today, remember we were at his birthday party? " He's not 25, Raychel, he's 24" Zef said. I laughed and said " Why would he lie about that?" Then, Zef told me "He's a compulsive liar". That's when we started comparing stories he told us all, and that's how I found out that things weren't matching up. So, I asked him(Steve) briefly about a few things that night, but his lies disgusted me to the point were I left and basically was telling him I didn't want to talk anymore. When I got home, Zef called me and said that Steve was telling everyone that I had issues. Isn't that the pot calling the kettel black?
Anyways. back to the facade....

37. His DAD was a marine. ( He really was, we found it on the internet)

38. The dog tags he has are his dad's who had the same name.

39. The information on the dog tags doesn't even match him, like religion, blood type, the fact that he is a junior, etc.

40. He wears us marine corp shirts ALWAYS.

41. He said he was shot in battle.

42. Yet, when the "war" began he said he didn't "have to go" That's Bullshit.

43. Friends who were in the Marines, say he wasn't in them.

44. My best friend and I went on the marine/military database last night and there is no record of him ever being a marine, but his dad is on there, my cousin, who enlisted two months ago is on there, my grandfather, who served 40 years ago, is on there.

45. He tells the same stories about his "daughter" that our friend Jamie tells about his REAL daughter. I mean, word for word phrases. As though he forgot I was there when Jamie said that same thing.

Well, I am feeling deeply disturbed now, so I am going to end this list. Basically, I need everyone's advice and help. If ANYONE has any ideas of how I can find out the truth once and for all and have hard evidence of his lies, please let me know. This psycho needs to be stopped. I am a little scared, considering he is obsessed with me, and know where I work and live. I think I am a psycho magnet or something. Anyways, let me know if you think of anything.

peace.

01:39 pm: MY PRECIOUS
Hello Kitties. Today i am signing my life AWAY. I am buying a condo for $95,000. So, I am going to go to my new house after I sign the papers, and sit in a dark corner with my knees to my chest, rocking back and forth and just cry like a pathetic little baby. At least my dearest kitty Banky will be coming to live with me soon.

05:56 pm: a drunkin man's recollection
david's side of the baltimore club story

i walked in to the club that night not knowing if i could even get in cause my id looked like it had been put througt a wood chipper. After convincing the door man that my id said 10/11/82 rather than 11/11/82 which it is. I made my way to the bar seeing that this was the first time i could drink legally i did so like i was a fish. After about 4 heinekins i started to loosin up and i could see that stefanmeow was too. But i wasnt getting the buzz i so well deserved, Stronger brew i thought and so i then decided that me and the captain needed to make it happen. 6 or 7 drinks later i was feeling about right and ready to change my drink preferrance again jack and coke i told the ever so foxy at the time bartender youd be suprised at what 10 or so driks and a dark room will do for someones complexion. 4 or 5 jack&n cokes later i became a little tired so me and stevie decided to go sit at the bar this is when stefanmeow got her wits up and jumped on the bar well actually i told the other girl dancing that she wanted to go up. I didint think she was going to be dancing and makeing out with guys like somekinda sigon whore. I sat there for awhile drinking shots of whiskey and trying not to look at my cousin which sucked cause there were some real hotys up there. about an hour after she had first got up i had moved on to shots of whiskey and tequila sunrise's needless to say i was feeling it. At last call i ordered another shot of whiskey and a beer which i tried to take out of the club but was denied. As i walked to the car or should i say stumbled stefanmeow was geting stalked by wierd men who had nothing in mind but to make one last shot at getting some ass that night. We started to leave baltimore and this is were it gets a little fuzzy for me i remember trying to trick stevie into going in to like the worst part of baltimore so that i could get a dime of weed. this would have been a problem seeing as though it was 2 in the morning and i had one dollar but i was bound and determined. After getting us completely lost in park heights i think i blacked out and woke up in my bed at my gramas.

the end